nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
