Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
