I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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