his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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