Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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