I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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