I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
