the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
