yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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