worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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