Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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