If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
