so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
