I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
