yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
