I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
