I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
