I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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