my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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