it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
