You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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