I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
