I puked a lego.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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