All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
