I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he thought i was a dude.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
