Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
