If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
