Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
