I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
