HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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