so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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