alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
