I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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