why im i the only drunk person in the library?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
