Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize