after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
