Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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