I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize