I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
