Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I checked into jail on foursquare
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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