Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
