I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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