im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
