a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
