paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
