Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
