You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize