his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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