i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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