if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
