woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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