well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
