I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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