Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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