Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize