I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
