Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
