I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
