its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
