and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
NoShamevember. You game?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
