and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
