Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
