You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
