New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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