When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
