we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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