i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dicks are not precious.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
