i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
