I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
