I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
