i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
