I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
