that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
