Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
